Dear Betsy,

My boyfriend and i met a year and a half year ago and i fell for him straight away. He was everything i find attractive in a guy. We got engaged after a month and i thought i had it all. One night we were arguing in his car and i asked him to take me home. Instead he turned into some woods. I tried getting out but he hit me 3 times over the head. Then he stopped, pulled me outside, and forced me into sex on the bonnet of his car. This was a complete shock as he was never violent before. He dropped me home and then rang me up crying. I believed he was sorry but couldn't stay with him after that.

A year later he tried to win me back. I gave him a chance and he proved how much he loved me. We rented a house and after 2 days i caught him talking on the phone to a married woman. He denied everything and threw me out of the house. I asked why he left me for her and he really doesn't know. He just said he felt safer with her cause she was not as attractive as me. This weekend he came to my brothers 3 times begging 4 me 2 take him back. He wants to prove this time that he wont hurt me again.

I know this sounds mad but i believe. i cant take any more pain. If i wasnt so happy before these events i would let go, but no-one else makes me that happy and i see a really great husband underneath it all. Am i just a silly cow or what? Please tell me what u think.

Signed,

Fool for Love

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My dear young friend,

You are not a "fool for love." You are a victim of domestic violence. And to call yourself a "silly cow" for even thinking about taking this man back is to deny the reality of who he is and of what  has actually happened to you.

No matter how charming this man seems when he's trying to win you back, anyone looking at the facts will remind of what you already know. The man you think would make a ?great husband? has already hit you, raped you, cheated on you, and lied to you repeatedly.

What else must a person to you do before you say: ENOUGH! And where did you learn that it's okay for the person who is supposed to love and protect you to be violent with you if you disagree with him or disappoint him in any way?

If you have a shred of self-respect you will run like hell while there's still time. And you'll find a good therapist who can help you: reclaim your dignity, establish clear, firm limits with men, heal from the effects of the trauma you have endured, and help you establish higher standards for yourself in all your relationships.

Trust me, my young friend, there are many kind, trustworthy and respectful men out there. If you go back to this man, you are putting yourself in grave danger.

I will leave you with these words: You will never ever change a man like this. But if you stay with a man like this, he will change you.

Get off your knees! Hold your head high. Get help. Walk away.

You deserve better.

Betsy