You can't afford to let what's happening between your parents tear you apart.  Instead, I suggest that you throw yourself into activities that give you pleasure, add meaning to your life, and help you develop and maintain a sense of balance, hopefulness, and perspective. When there's a storm brewing around you, it's important to cultivate an inner sea of calm.

Dear Betsy,

After 20 years of marriage, my mother doesn't feel loved anymore. she's probably felt like this for a while. dad just isn't an touchy feely person, never has been. he has changed a few things since she told him awhile ago. he's obviously still in love with her.

This thing is raising its ugly head again and i fear it will tear us all apart. can i do anything else besides informing them both of their stubborn ways. i see that neither one will give in, and if mum has already made up her mind she 's never going to see the changes dad has made. what else can i do?

Signed,

My dear young friend,

While it's painful to watch your parents grow apart, there's nothing you can do to hold them together. The best thing you can do is let them both know you love them dearly and you resent that they're not working together to heal their relationship. I think it's fine for you to let them know how their behavior is affecting you, but kids need to focus on saving their own lives, not their parents?. Their marriage is their responsibility, not yours.

I worry that if you let what's happening between your parents affect you too much, you'll not only grow to resent them, but you're likely to sacrifice your own needs, wants, passions, and interests as well.

You can't afford to let what's happening between your parents tear you apart. Instead, I suggest that you throw yourself into activities that give you pleasure, add meaning to your life, and help you develop and maintain a sense of balance, hopefulness, and perspective. When there's a storm brewing around you, it's important to cultivate an inner sea of calm. I don't know how old you are, but if counseling is available, I'd treat yourself to a few sessions. It almost always helps to talk to someone about these kinds of things. Whatever you do, don't take this thing on. You didn't cause it, and you can't cure it.

Best of luck to you and your family,

Betsy