My suggestion is that you schedule time to get together with your husband and really listen. Don't defend. Don't pressure. Don't argue. Just listen. Let him know that you want to understand what has caused him to feel so dispirited and discouraged that he would walk away from your marriage, rather than stay and work it out. Nobody moves out of a home and into a car unless they're feeling really desperate. If you can help him feel understood, he may not feel so alienated or so alone.

Dear Betsy,

My husband left me last week, we have been fighting off and on for about 4 years, we have been together for 9, married for 7. We have 2 wonderful little boys. My question is it possible for me to save my marriage, even though he doesn't take my calls, and the only time he has called me is to let me know he made a deposit to help pay the bills. He is living out of our van, and still working. I believe that the fighting has tarnished his heart and he is having a hard time seeing the love he has for me. What do you think?

Signed,

Desperate Housewife

Dear Desperate Housewife,

What you haven't told me is what part you've played in what's gone wrong with your relationship. Without knowing that, it's impossible for me to guess whether or not your marriage can be saved. You also haven't told me what you've been fighting about, or what ultimately made your husband walk out the door last week.

But regardless of the answers to these questions, if your husband is still willing to work on your relationship, there's hope. If there's another woman in the picture, however, there's probably less of a chance that he'll be willing to keep trying. Men are less likely to leave their marriages--even bad ones--unless they've already got another woman waiting in the wings. But, if your husband has a strong sense of family, is securely attached to his children, still loves you, and doesn't have another woman, you definitely stand a chance.

My suggestion is that you schedule time to get together with your husband and really listen. Don't defend. Don't pressure. Don't argue. Just listen. Let him know that you want to understand what has caused him to feel so dispirited and discouraged that he would walk away from your marriage, rather than stay and work it out. Nobody moves out of their home and into a car unless they're feeling really desperate. If you can help him feel understood, he may not feel so alienated or so alone.

Best of luck to you,

Betsy