My husband of 18 years started pushing me away.  Eventually, I felt so rejected, I became attracted to a guy at work.  When my husband kicked me out, I ended up having sex with the guy.  That's when my husband decided he wanted me back.  Once he got me back he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore.

Now he says he's in love with a woman who's still living with her boyfriend.   When she found out that my husband and I have been sexual again, she told him he needs to move him out of our house as soon as possible.

How can I win back my husband after all this?

Signed,

Yo-yo Girl

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Dear Yo-yo Girl,

My first question is: Why would you want to win back a man who mostly ignores and rejects you, and only takes an interest in you when he finds out you've moved on?  Your husband sounds like a man who can only stay interested in a woman who's not really available.  When you were really available, he ignored you, and pushed you away.  Now he's in love with another woman who's not really available.  She's living with another man!  My guess is that what he really loves is having two women making a big fuss over him without him having to commit to being present for either one.

Before you try to win him back, my advice would be to figure out what you're fighting for.  Is this a man who is really interested in being there for you?  Does he treasure you?  Is he curious about what makes you tick?  Does he think of ways to share in your life, and support your excitement, interests, and passion?  My guess is that the answer to these questions is: No. 

If the answer is Yes, then fight away.  If the answer is No, then my advice would be to gather your family and friends around you, and move on.  It won't be easy after 18 years, but if you don't do it now, it will only get harder, especially as you age, and your circle of family and friends gets smaller. 

I wish you the best,

Betsy