Ask yourself: Is this a man who can be a friend to my excitement? Does he bring out the best in me or the worst?” Does he make me laugh? Does he tell me when he’s feeling tense, unsure, or afraid? Does he treat everyone with kindness and respect? Does he press me to go deeper? How does he treat the waitress, the guy on the street, his family members? Does he accept your faults, shortcomings, weaknesses, without trying to fix you?

Dear Betsy,

I've just started dating a new guy after a long and difficult break-up with the man I thought I was going to marry. I like this guy, but I don't want to jump in too fast. At the same time, at 27-years old, I'm aware that the clock is ticking. Any advice for how to proceed?

Signed,

Whoa Nellie

________________________________________

Dear Nellie,

My advice: Relaaaax. Why not enjoy this phase and really get to know each other? Let yourself discover who this man really is by seeing him under a variety of conditions, with a variety of people (friends, co-workers, family), so you really get a feel for who he "off-stage" as well as on. Take your time. Enjoy the excitement and newness of it all, without putting any pressure on yourself to know how it's all going to turn out.

From time to time, ask yourself: "Is this a man who can be a friend to my excitement?" "Does he bring out the best in me or the worst?" "Does he make me laugh?" "Does he tell me when he's feeling tense, unsure, or afraid?" "Does he treat everyone with kindness and respect?" "Does he press me to go deeper?" "How does he treat the waitress, the guy on the street, his family members?" "Does he accept your faults, shortcomings, weaknesses, without trying to fix you?" All of these are clues into who he really is, and whether he's someone you could be with long term.

Enjoy. And go slow. Stay tuned into your own needs, feelings, hunches, and don't ignore or find reasons to justify actions or behaviors you don't like. If over time everything feels right, then take the next step. But until you have the answers to these questions, give yourself more time. Better to take your time now than to find out too late that you leaped too soon.

Best of luck,

Betsy