It's much easier for a woman to say "I have commitment issues," than it is for her to say,
"I'm not attracted to you." Since women can't bear to hear those words, they generally avoid
saying them.

I need help. I was dating this girl. Everything was going FANTASTIC! I played it cool - didn't rush anything.
Just had the most amazing time together.

A couple of days ago she did a complete 180 on me. She said the relationship wasn't working for her anymore. That's fine, we've all had this experience. But here's the part I don't get. She also said that when she realized she loved me, she realized she couldn't be in a committed relationship with anyone. This sent her into panic mode. What does that mean? Should I do anything? She was single for six years before she met me. Any advice here is good and appreciated. Thanks!

Out of My Element

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Dear Out of It,

Your girlfriend's odd behavior could mean a lot of things. It's certainly possible that she does love you and that she got overwhelmed by those feelings. But most people who get overwhelmed by love don't want to get away from it. They want more of it... unless they believe that the person they're in love with is dangerous or bad for them in some way.

Does she think you're too old for her? Do her parents dislike you? Do you have a bad reputation with women? Are you involved with her best friend? Do you drink too much? Treat her poorly? Let her walk all over you? All of these are turn-offs.

On the other hand, maybe she does loves you but she's not in love with you. It's much easier for a woman to say "I have commitment issues," than it is for her to say, "I'm not attracted to you." Ouch! That hurts. Since women can't bear to hear those words, they generally avoid saying them.

It's also possible that she doesn't love you but she cares enough to not want to hurt you. So she says, "I love you. But I don't want to be in a committed relationship with anyone."

I would not recommend pursuing this woman. I would accept her decision and try to move on. Four months is a long enough time for her to get a good feel for who you are as a person, and as a potential partner. Trying to get her to change her mind will only make you look less attractive to her, not more.

If you've already let her know that you still want to be with her, there is nothing left to say or do. Let her miss you. Let her remember how much she supposedly loves you. Let her try to replace you. If, after being apart, she changes her mind, great. If you're still interested you can give her another chance. But don't ingratiate yourself. You'll look much more attractive standing tall than groveling on your knees.

Find someone who can't get enough of you. You will be much happier than being with a woman who can't make up her mind.

Best of luck,

Betsy