At this point, you are not dependent on your husband.  It is he who is dependent on you (and your grandparents).  I don't know what the bottom line is for you, but whatever it is: getting a job, sticking with a budget, doing his share of housework, helping you and your grandparents with whatever they need, etc.--now is the time to make it known.  Once the baby comes, you won't have the time or energy to babysit your husband.

Hello Betsy.
I am 32 weeks pregnant and am having problems with my husband. We got married in February, and since then, he refuses to do any work. We live at my grandparents because he won't get a job.

My husband has had many issues. For starters, he's had brain surgery and he he's committed a felony.  I'm starting to think he lacks the desire or will to do anything. And even though our bills exceed the money we get from unemployment, he still goes out to eat several times a week and buys expensive things we don't need. I'm scared about what will happen when the baby comes.  Help!

Signed,                                                                                                                                                                 What's a mother to do???

Dear Momma,                                                                                                                                                             If your best friend told you she'd just met a guy who has medical issues, a felony, and a tendency to spend money he doesn't have--and didn't earn--what would you tell her?  My guess is, you'd tell her to run the other way.  And if you weren't already married and 32 weeks pregnant, I would probably do the same.  That's not to say that your husband is a terrible person.  No doubt he has enough great qualities to make you want to marry and have children with him.

The problem is that when we have children, we need more from our partners than we did before we had them--not less.  You need your husband to step up in a big way, not rely on the generosity of your grandparents, or wait until unemployment runs out before he looks for work.  This is what it means to be a good father, a good husband, a good man.

My suggestion is that you make your needs known to your husband.  You need him to get whatever help he needs to step up, not cop out.  Life is about to get harder and harder for the two of you.  And unless you stand firm now about what your needs and expectations are, you are likely to be heading for real trouble down the road.

At this point, you are not dependent on your husband.  It is he who is dependent on you (and your grandparents).  It's important for you to remember this when you make your needs and expectations known.  I don't know what the bottom line is for you, but whatever it is: getting a job, sticking with a budget, doing his share of housework, helping you and your grandparents with whatever they need, etc.--now is the time to make it known.  Once the baby comes, you won't have the time or energy to babysit your husband.

It's time to insist, not request.  To say: "Unless you step up, you'll have to leave."  If you don't--in my experience--you will find yourself feeling more and more trapped, alone, and desperate in your marriage.

Good luck to you and your family,

Betsy